


Montana Musings

by HomeOfTheBrave (Vicjules)



Series: Ahanu & Amir [7]
Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Loneliness, Male Friendship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Texting, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-02-29 17:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18782953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vicjules/pseuds/HomeOfTheBrave
Summary: One week after the end of their first deployment together, McGuire and Amir find themselves missing each other.





	1. Bros, Bitmojis, and Bison

**Author's Note:**

> I've missed my Brave Boys! Felt good to write a little silly encounter with them. This work will have more chapters as Amir explores McGuire's home state. :)

It had been one week since the team had gone their separate ways after debriefs. Top and McGuire had both invited Amir to stay at their homes since he didn’t have a place of his own in the States yet. With his undercover work, he always just rented furnished apartments when needed.

He thanked his friends, but declined, indicating that he would visit soon. He needed to do a little traveling and find his place in this giant country. In truth, he worried the others only offered out of politeness. They had told him, many times, that he could show up at their homes, unannounced, any time he pleased and would be welcome. Amir thought they might be exaggerating. Surely they all appreciated some time alone after living on top of each other for so long during deployment.

He didn’t want to overstep and he knew that the friendships he’d made during deployment were under stressful conditions. People were different at home, off work. He wanted to make sure he respected that.

And, honestly, he didn’t trust himself. He felt a strong bond with the team, the strongest bond he’d ever had with other people. He didn’t want to suffocate them, so he thought some time apart would be good. Let everything settle and then see how he felt.

But, it had been a week, and he was desperately missing the others. This is what he had been worried about.

And while he missed everyone and looked forward to seeing them, he found himself missing McGuire a good deal more. They were the closest, so it made sense. If he was being completely honest, he was surprised by how much it bothered him to see McGuire disappear into the airport on his way to Montana. He hadn’t fully realized how much he enjoyed having a buddy. He was instantly aware of the distance. The texts and messages and phone calls weren’t enough. His friend was supposed to be across the hall. Easily accessible when needed. Always there.

Amir was new to this team thing...family thing. Even his own family hadn’t been this close. He didn’t know if his loneliness was normal. Did they all feel this way?

He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair with a sigh. Within a few seconds, his phone vibrated on the table. A text. He leaned forward to see who it was from. McGuire. 

He smiled at the timing of it all. Not that he hadn’t heard from McGuire in the week previous. Quite the opposite, in fact. They communicated multiple times each day. In contrast, he’d only spoken with the others once since parting.

 

**McG** : Yo

**Amir** : Hi

**McG** : Where are you?

**Amir** : Still in New York

**McG** : Why?

**Amir** : I can’t decide where to go next

 

After a few seconds, McGuire texted a photo of a far-reaching Montana landscape. Big sky country indeed.

 

**Amir** : Is that your home?

**McG** : In real time, buddy.

**Amir** : Gorgeous

**McG** : And yet you don’t know where to go next. *facepalm emoji*

 

Amir smirked to himself. In truth, he knew exactly where he wanted to be. Standing in that picture. But, he had to be sure that McGuire wasn’t just being polite.

 

**Amir** : You just want me to visit so you have a personal chef

**McG** : Admittedly, that would be an awesome bonus

**Amir** : Hmm mmm. What did you eat today anyway?

**McG** : Bison steak

**Amir** : That’s what you ate yesterday

**McG** : Lots of bison

**Amir** : Is there halal meat there?

**McG** : So... no. That’s an actual issue

**Amir** : Not surprising

**McG** : I ordered halal meat at the grocer. But, no idea when it will arrive

**Amir** : You did?

**McG** : Of course

**Amir** : Thank you, Joseph

**McG** : Bison too! Surprising I could get it, since the census shows 0% Muslim here...

**Amir** : Not one?

**McG** : Sorry

**Amir** : Hardly your fault

**McG** : So when the hell are you coming to Montana? My cabin is 50% Muslim. Much more inviting.

**Amir** : Oh really?

**McG** : Well, it WILL be….IF YOU EVER COME TO MONTANA

 

Amir smiled. Maybe he was unnecessarily worried about this whole thing. McGuire's offer seemed genuine.

 

**Amir** : I’m looking at flights on my laptop, actually

**McG** : Well, book that shit!

**Amir** : How long should I stay?

**McG** : Where else you gotta be?

**Amir** : I don’t want to overstay my welcome

**McG** : Impossible

**Amir** : I’m serious

**McG** : So am I. You can stay until we are deployed again, if you want

 

Amir studied the text and tried to decide what he would do. McGuire broke the silence with another text.

 

**McG** : Just make it one way

 

Amir didn’t answer again, considering the idea.

 

**McG** : WILL YOU JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT

 

Amir laughed at the text, but before he could answer, McGuire sent a hilarious (and accurate) bitmoji of himself tossing a desk and laptop in frustration.

 

**Amir** : Was that necessary?

**McG** : APPARENTLY

**Amir** : Stop with the caps. My eyes hurt

**McG** : Did you book it yet???

**Amir** : If you gave me a half a second…

**McG** : *toothy smile emoji*

 

Amir opened the bitmoji app, which had been forced upon him by Jaz and McGuire much to Top’s amusement, and found an image of his bitmoji meditating, which read “deep breaths”, and sent it to McGuire.

 

**McG** : I’m so fucking zen right now, you have no idea

**Amir** : Sure you are

**McG** : My dog fell asleep looking at me, because I’m so zen

**Amir** : That doesn’t even make sense, Joseph

**McG** : No one here calls me Joseph

**McG** : Except maybe an old lady at the grocery store

 

Amir chuckled at the image it created in his mind.

 

**Amir** : Do people call you McGuire?

**McG** : Ahanu or McGuire

**Amir** : Okay

**McG** : No, I like it

**McG** : That you call me Joseph. People never call me that. I never get to use that name.

**Amir** : Joey

**McG** : NO

**Amir** : Joey is a good name

**McG** : NO

**Amir** : I like it

**McG** : I’ll punch you in the face

**Amir** : That’s aggressive

**McG** : This is serious

**Amir** : *smile emoji* Joe

**McG** : I’ll accept Joe…MirMir

**Amir** : Joseph

 

Amir smirked at the exchange. He was definitely going to hear MirMir again. He walked into that one.

 

**McG** : *smile emoji*

**McG** : WHAT TIME DO YOU ARRIVE?

**Amir** : You need to calm down

**McG** : I TOLD YOU I’M FUCKING ZEN

 

Amir laughed at McGuire’s mood and studied the listed flights to Montana.

 

**Amir** : Why do all these flights arrive at midnight?

**McG** : *laughing until crying emoji*

**Amir** : Are you picking me up at midnight?

**McG** : Hell no, you gotta walk

**Amir** : Wait. I found one that arrives at 2pm tomorrow

**McG** : That’s gotta be expensive. But that should be fine for a rich Lebanese boy like yourself

**Amir** : I’m not rich

**McG** : Uh...pretty sure we covered this

**Amir** : I hope you aren’t basing our friendship on my wealth because I gave it all up

**McG** : Well, we can’t be friends then

**Amir** : *shrugging shoulders emoji* 

**McG** : I don’t care how much $$ you have, jerk

**Amir** : *smile emoji*  Booked

**McG** : How much was it?

**Amir** : None of your business

**McG** : Amir

**Amir** : $750. Not bad. I expected more, to be honest

**McG** : I’ll pay for it

**Amir** : No you won’t

**McG** : I should probably reveal that I  _ am  _ actually rich

**Amir** : … what’s that now?

**McG** : *shrug shoulders emoji* The McGuire’s left us everything. Most of the worth is in property and livestock, but I do have money in the bank

**Amir** : And you were teasing me for being a rich kid??

**McG** : Excuse me, but that was Top and Jaz

**Amir** : I distinctly remember your laughter

**McG** : I didn’t SAY anything though *winking emoji*

**Amir** : You’re never living this down

**McG** : Besides, I don’t have a staff

**Amir** : Sure you don’t

**McG** : I’m about to have a personal chef though…

**Amir** : *facepalm emoji*

**McG** : MirMir

**Amir** : I’m cancelling the flight

**McG** : I’ll see you at 2 tomorrow!

**Amir** : …

**McG** : Warning, I’m way more affectionate at home *winking & kissing emoji*

**Amir** : I have no idea what to do with that information...

**McG** : BE EXCITED

**Amir** : more like terrified

**McG** : *bitmoji snickering*

**Amir** : See you tomorrow

**McG** : FUCK YEAH

**Amir** : So zen

**McG** : THE ZENNEST

**Amir** : *big smile emoji*

 

Amir set his phone down and took a deep breath. He smiled to himself as he looked at the screen. Only a few hours and he'd be on a plane, headed to Montana. The wild. He wasn't sure what to expect, but looked forward to the adventure. He nearly leapt from his chair and began packing.


	2. Reunions, Religions, and Remnants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amir arrives in Montana and the friends travel to McGuire's cabin.

Amir gazed out the plane window at the vast landscape below. Expansive plains gave way to mountains. It seemed to be void of all civilization. Just pure, untouched wilderness.

He heard the flight crew announce the decent and waited for the town to come into view. He had purposefully avoided looking up the area online, an act that went against everything in his nature, so that he could experience it with new eyes.

He was not disappointed. He had always thought that the old world coasts and landscapes of the Middle East were hard to top. The ancient beginnings of everything.

But he realized, as he peered down from the plane, that this untouched wilderness of America might just be what the Middle East looked like so long ago. Lush, vast, and wild. He was in awe of the beauty of it and felt impatient to get off the plane and explore it.

The plane slowly banked and Amir saw a small city come into view.  _ Barely a city _ , he thought. A large town. There were no towering skyscrapers or large swaths of concrete. In fact, the town seemed to blend into the natural surroundings, the only thing alerting you to human intervention were the grids of roads and houses that peppered the valley. Snow-capped mountains surrounded the town, the peaks appearing to be made of meringue. 

Finally the plane descended into the valley and touched down on the ground. Amir was filled with the giddy feelings of a little boy who wanted to dart through the legs of all the adults and exit the plane like a bullet from a gun.

Amir was toward the back of the plane and craned his neck to try and see the progress of the deplaning process as his phone slowly reconnected with the digital world. He felt the phone buzz in his hand and looked down from the meandering cluster of people huddled in the aisle.

 

**McG:** What side of the plane are you on?

**Amir:** The right. Are you here? We just landed.

**McG:** I know. Look out your window.

 

Amir scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. McGuire couldn’t have gotten through security to meet him on the terminal side of the airport. 

 

**Amir:** What am I looking for?

**McG:** You’ll see

 

He peered out the window and took in all the activity, which wasn’t a lot. He tried to discern what he was supposed to notice, but everything seemed like it should be there. It wasn’t until his gaze traveled beyond the tarmac that he noticed a figure perched on a wooden fence in the far distance. He squinted to try and get a better look, but it was just too far to make out who the person was. It had to be McGuire.

 

**Amir:** Is that you? On the fence?

 

Amir looked up as he waited for the response and watched the figure swing his legs over the fence and hop off, lingering in spot for a moment, before Amir felt his phone buzz.

 

**McG:** See you inside!

 

Amir quickly looked up to find McGuire jogging away from the fence toward the airport. He smiled, imagining the two of them sitting on that fence, welcoming the rest of the team to Montana.

Huh.

Guess that meant his brain had decided to hang around for a bit.

 

*******

 

After a slow and tedious single-file exit off the plane, Amir quickly made his way through the small airport terminal to find McGuire standing proudly at the edge of the greeting area.

This was not Incirlik McGuire. Gone were the sweats, tee-shirts, and camo gear. Montana McGuire wore heavy and worn tan cargo pants, rugged work boots, a down-filled winter coat over a collared cable-knit sweater, and a weathered, rimmed hat. It suited him, Amir thought to himself. And it was probably a good hint as to the ruggedness that was awaiting him beyond the airport doors.

The taller man smiled widely though a thicker than usual beard as Amir neared.

“Did you get taller?” Amir asked, feigning annoyance with a smile.

“Pretty sure you shrunk man,” McGuire commented, leaning back as if to consider Amir’s whole person, “You should probably see a doctor.”

“Where ever will I find one out in the wilderness?” Amir questioned playfully. Amir enjoyed their banter and remembered how he broke the ice, making a comment about how excessively tall McG and Preach were. He wanted the others to know that he wasn’t sensitive about his height. It was very early in the deployment and he wanted so desperately for the others to banter with him like they did each other. And it worked. McGuire took to it immediately, a little mischievous twinkle appearing in his eye as soon as Amir began the ribbing.

“I might know a guy,” McGuire chuckled before embracing his friend firmly, “You got luggage?” McGuire asked as he broke the hug, indicating toward the baggage claim.

“No, this is everything,” Amir commented, holding up the duffle bag and shoulder bag he carried.

“Really?” McGuire asked, genuinely concerned.

“Yes, why?”

“Do you have a winter coat?” McGuire inquired with an eyebrow raised.

“I have this,” Amir answered, walking over to a chair to open his bag. He pulled out a lightweight peacoat.

“You’re gonna freeze your ass off.”

Amir rolled his eyes at McGuire, “Thank you, Joseph. Very helpful.”

“What is your experience with winter?” McGuire asked honestly.

“I’ve managed to avoid a true, snowy winter. Always been somewhere hot, I guess,” Amir admitted, “Even training has been in warmer months and climates.” McGuire’s eyes got wider with every word, “Not by choice though. I’d love to experience a snowstorm.”

“Well, you’re gonna get your wish. One is rolling in tomorrow night,” McGuire smirked, “C’mon, let’s go shopping.”

The two exited the building to a clear, bright, but very cold day. McGuire was right. Amir could feel the cold through his inadequate coat. He shuddered as a cold wind whipped around them. McGuire suppressed a laugh, but Amir noticed it and punched him in the arm.

They made their way to his pickup truck and piled in. It was an older truck. Big and weathered, Amir couldn’t really tell what color it was. The shine was long gone and it seemed to be various shades of blue, grey, and brown in different light. He wondered why, if McGuire really did have money, he didn’t buy a nicer truck. But, he didn’t ask. Some things were better understood by experience and he felt like this might be one of those occasions.

Amir hugged himself tightly as he watched McGuire start up the truck and fire up the heater.

“How long did you sit on that fence, waiting for my plane?” Amir asked, breaking the quiet.

McGuire shrugged, putting the truck into gear, “I don’t know, 20 minutes?”

“I’d have died,” Amir admitted, shivering in his seat.

McGuire laughed and pointed all the heater vents toward his friend, “you’ll feel better when you get a down coat!”

In addition to the coat (and a few other items that McGuire insisted Amir select including earmuffs, a hat, gloves, a pair of boots, a few pairs of cargo pants much like those McGuire wore, a couple of sweaters, and, most curious: fingerless gloves), the two also picked up some supplies, groceries (the halal meat had arrived!), and a bit of food for the road.

Once everything was loaded in the truck, the two settled in for the trip to McGuire’s cabin.

“How’s the coat?” McGuire asked as he drove the truck toward the mountain pass.

“I’m never taking it off,” Amir smiled. McGuire laughed and took a bite of his food, “How far to your cabin?”

“About an hour and a half, just on the other side of these mountains here,” McGuire said, pointing out the front window of the truck. The sun was already starting to set and colors began to fill the sky.

“I’ll need to stop to pray again soon,” Amir said as he watched the passing scenery, then he asked, “When it snows, can you get back to town?” 

“Depends on the storm. This one? Sounds like a pretty decent one. I think we’ll be snowed in for a bit.”

Amir looked over to find McGuire lounging in his seat, almost smiling as he watched the road. His left arm propped up on the small edge where the door and window met and his right hand draped lazily over the steering wheel.

“What’s ‘a bit’?” Amir asked, squinting his eyes as he tried to gauge McGuire’s scale for snowstorms.

McGuire pouted his lips and then shrugged, “Oh, maybe a week.”

Amir nearly gasped.

“I said it was a good storm!” McGuire laughed.

“You said ‘pretty decent’. In a level tone,” Amir countered, “while casually describing the apocalypse.” Amir burrowed his head further down inside his new coat.

McGuire bellowed out a laugh, “Amir, buddy. This ain’t nothin’,” he finally said, smiling with that mischievous twinkle in his eye as he looked over at Amir, “you uh, regretting your decision to visit Montana in the winter?” McGuire chuckled as he watched Amir sink further into the warm coat.

Amir stretched his head up out of the coat and smiled, “No. Not even a little.” And it was the truth. It felt better than he imagined it would, being near his friend again. McGuire smiled and offered a fist as he watched the road in front of him. Amir tapped it with his own and refocused on the road.

The scenery was gorgeous. Everything was already coated in snow and it glistened and sparkled in the warm, fading light.

“Look behind you,” Amir heard McGuire say some time later, he couldn’t be sure how long. He glanced in the rear view mirror to find a vibrant sunset filling the view and quickly turned his body to admire it out the rear window. He turned back forward and reached down to his bag.

“Prayer time.”

McGuire pulled over and they both got out of the truck. Amir prayed while McGuire rummaged through the back of the truck, likely repositioning whatever it was that had been audibly shifting during the drive.

Amir noted that he felt much warmer in his new coat as he finished his prayers. He looked over at Joseph, who seemed entirely unphased by the chilly temperatures as he moved things around in the truck bed.

They got back on the road and drove a while longer after darkness enveloped them, the light from the headlights the only light to be found.

“It’s too bad it’s dark for this,” McGuire said as they rounded a corner.

“What do you mean?”

“You can’t see it. The pass opens up to the plains and you can see for miles and miles. There’s a spot where you feel like you’re flying like an eagle, about to swoop down over the fields.”

Amir smiled at the image created in his mind. He wanted to see it, “Perhaps we can come back up?”

“We will,” McGuire assured him.

Amir felt the decline even out to flat ground under the truck and knew they had cleared the mountains. After a short drive, McGuire turned onto another road and soon after, pulled over to the side of the road.

“Prayer time?” McGuire asked as he turned off the headlights and the darkness surrounded them.

As if on cue, Amir’s phone buzzed a reminder for the last prayer of the day.

“How did you do that?” Amir asked, amazed.

McGuire chuckled, “I looked it up when you were praying back in town.”

Amir was touched at the thoughtfulness that McGuire continually showed toward him and reached down to retrieve his prayer rug. He bundled up, catching McGuire smirking in his peripheral vision. With the sun gone, it was going to be considerably colder out there. He took a deep breath and exited the vehicle. 

Once outside, he faced the qiblah and began his prayer, hearing McGuire exit the truck behind him. When finished, he turned to return to the truck and found McGuire leaning on the front fender, looking up at the stars.

“Aren’t you freezing?” Amir asked, baffled.

“Aren’t you?” McGuire answered, turning back to open his door. They both climbed in and sat with the heater pumping for a moment.

“Why were you out of the truck?”

“Because you were. Seemed rude to sit in the warmth while you suffered in the cold,” McGuire shrugged. Again with the thoughtfulness, Joseph.

As they sat and warmed up, McGuire pointed forward to the bright stars that filled the sky.

“Our god is Naato'si - the Sun. His is married to Ko'komiki'somma - The Moon. Their children are the Sspommitapiiksi - The Above People,” McGuire said, and then pointed forward, “The stars.”

“And Iipisowaahs is their most important son. He is Morning Star. The brightest star. The North Star,” he said, pointing at the North Star.

“So, the sun is the creator of the world?” Amir asked, always intrigued to learn more about McGuire’s heritage.

“No, Apistotoke created everything, including Naato'si. Apistotoke is divine. The Great Spirit,” McGuire answered, still gazing at the stars, “A mortal woman wanted to marry the the bright star, so he came down to claim her. They lived together in the sky until she became homesick, so he sent her and their son back to the Earth after teaching her a ceremony called Ookaan. So we perform the ceremony every year to call on Naato'si. The Sun Ceremony. We ask him for mercy and help.”

“When is the ceremony?”

“In the summer,” McGuire said, “I’m not often here for it.”

“Could we perform it at basecamp?” Amir asked.

“No, not really. It’s a big thing,” McGuire answered, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest, gazing at the stars, “I just take a moment to myself.”

 

“Do you think your god and mine are the same?” Amir inquired, wondering how McGuire viewed other religions.

“Yes, but I guess we split God up into several beings. For you, he’s all-in-one,” McGuire smirked, “Allah-in-one,” he chuckled at his own joke.

Amir chuckled and shook his head at McGuire’s pun, “I think you’re right. I think it’s always the same god, but just a different way to understand.”

McGuire watched Amir for a moment, silent and thoughtful, but didn’t respond. Instead, he settled himself back into his seat and faced forward, “The McGuire’s were Catholic. So, I got a bit of that when I was young.”

“Didn’t take?”

“Not really,” McGuire smirked, “But, I do like Jesus. He seemed like a cool dude.”

Amir chuckled, “Yes, indeed.”

“Do you think Jesus was divine?”

“No, but he was a great prophet and man. He is highly revered in Islam,” Amir shared and then looked over to his friend, “Do you?”

McGuire was quiet for a moment, “I’m not sure.”

“Fair answer,” Amir smiled.

McGuire sat up and re-situated, turning on the headlights and putting the truck in gear, heading back down the road.

“Will I meet your mother?” Amir asked as they traveled down the dark road.

“Of course! Na’á is at a retreat in Canada and will likely be delayed coming home because of the storm, but you’ll meet her.”

Amir smiled, happy to know he would meet the woman that endured so much in her young life and had still managed to raise such a good man.

“You’re so close in age. Is it strange now that you’re in the same phase of life?” Amir asked.

McGuire chuckled, “We joke about it now. It’s true we are more like best friends than mother and son now. It’s kind of fun to relate to her that way.”

McGuire made one more turn before the headlights revealed a large wooden sign that read “McGuire Ranch”. Amir could tell that it outdated his friend, so it was certainly a carry over from the original McGuires. They turned next to the sign.

“We’re on my land now,” McGuire shared, “Just a couple miles down and we’ll be at the cabin.”

As they continued down the path, Amir was amazed how tired he felt. The long day of travel, the new time zone, the darkness - it all culminated in a heavy weight on his eyelids. He quietly leaned back and closed them for a moment.

 

*******

 

“Hey,” Amir heard McGuire’s voice softly arouse him from an apparent nap. They weren’t moving. The truck wasn’t running. He opened his eyes to find his friend looking over at him with tired eyes.

“What time is it?” Amir asked, sitting up and stretching.

“Only about 7. But it’s been a long travel day for both of us,” McGuire said, “and we are both still on Turkey time,” he added.

Amir chuckled, “True.”

The men exited the truck and each filled their arms with items from the bed of the truck. Though they had bought a good deal, it only took a handful of trips to take it all inside.

Though it was dark, the porch light and headlights on the truck provided enough illumination for Amir to see that the cabin wasn’t the only building on the property. There was a large structure just adjacent and he could barely see there was certainly something in the distance. He was looking forward to morning when he could see the ranch in full daylight.

As the men walked to the cabin with the final load, Amir heard a substantial huff of an exhale from what was certainly a large animal. He paused and McGuire chuckled.

“That’s Wapun. Don’t worry. She’s behind a very big, and very strong fence,” McGuire revealed as he entered the cabin.

Amir set his bags on the table and turned toward McGuire, “What exactly is a ‘Wapun’?

“She’s a bison,” McGuire said with nonchalance as he started to unload a bag on the kitchen counter.

“A bison?” Amir had only seen pictures. He knew they were massive beasts but knew nothing else, “when you said livestock, I didn’t expect bison,” Amir shook his head as he started emptying a bag next to McGuire.

McG laughed, “Well, she’s more like a pet. A buddy.”

Amir stopped and turned to the taller man, “Joseph. You can’t be serious.”

“I am! She’s my buddy! You can meet her tomorrow,” McGuire smiled down at his friend, “I swear! I’m not messing with you.”

Amir shook his head, not quite believing McGuire, but letting it go. Morning should be interesting.

“Bison are very important to our people and culture,” McGuire added.

“Wait. You  _ eat  _ bison. Does your ‘buddy’ know about this?” Amir inquired, amused.

“Um, keep that to yourself,” McGuire laughed sheepishly, “and I’d never eat her!”

Amir laughed and grabbed another bag, “What does Wapun mean?”

“Dawn,” McGuire said, “I don't know. I just liked it.”

“I’ll meet ‘Dawn’ at dawn,” Amir smiled, putting items in the refrigerator, “Are bison friendly?”

McGuire paused for a moment and then smiled and changed the subject, “C’mon, I’ll show you around,” McGuire said, putting a hand on Amir’s shoulder and pulling him toward the sitting room. Amir furrowed his brow at the avoidance. This did not bode well for his introduction to ‘buddy’ Wapun.

He put the thought in the back of his mind and let his eyes wander around the cabin. He realized he hadn’t really looked around yet.

“So, main room,” McGuire said, outstretching his arms to present the open concept living space, “there are books and games there. And there’s a TV behind that cabinet door over there. I don’t get over the air TV, but I have Internet and Netflix and stuff like that.”

As McGuire aimlessly pointed out objects in the room, Amir noted several sketches on the table at the front of the room. He wondered if they were McGuire’s or Kanti’s. He left the question for later and followed as McGuire walked toward the back of the cabin and a hallway. There was a bathroom and three bedrooms, two of them were added on to the original structure.

“Robert added these rooms for Na’á and I,” McGuire revealed, “Take your choice.”

Amir smiled. They had reached the end of the hall, near the door of the furthest bedroom, “Which is the warmest?” Amir smirked.

McGuire chuckled, “Well, they both have wood stoves and heated blankets, so you’re good.”

Amir smiled and pointed at the room just adjacent to them.

“It’s yours!”

The two laughed as they headed back to the main room. Amir stopped at McGuire’s bedroom door and waited for the other man to turn around, then he smirked as he reached out to open the door.

“You can go in, weirdo,” McGuire rolled his eyes.

Amir took his opportunity and entered. He found a large, hand-built log bed, a large matching wooden log chair with cushions and side table, an armoire, and a large dresser. He also found bookshelves. Lots of them. They reached floor to ceiling and wrapped around the room. Filled with hundreds of books. Amir looked at McGuire with fascination.

“You can borrow any of them,” McGuire said, seeing Amir’s eyes wander back and forth between the expansive shelves of books.

As Amir’s gaze moved about the room, he noticed a polaroid of the team, propped up against a framed photo of Ahanu and his mother. Another, older, photo was propped up nearby. McGuire and another soldier. Elijah, maybe. Another team photo was propped up against a portrait of an older couple - likely the McGuires. This team photo included another man, but no Jaz. Must be Jimmy, her predecessor.

“Family,” McGuire said as he walked over to his dresser. Opening the second drawer, he pulled out a shirt, “here.”

Amir saw that the shirt was his, “I have one of yours too,” Amir revealed in a confused tone as he took the shirt.

“Jaz.”

“What?”

“It’s a Jaz thing. She’s always hiding random objects in our stuff like that when we ship home,” McGuire smiled. Amir pondered the revelation as he stared at the shirt, “Look closer. You have something from everyone.”

“I would have noticed,” Amir countered.

McGuire shook his head and headed back toward the main room to find Amir’s bags, “Look,” he said, waving his hand toward the bag.

Amir complied by grabbing the bags and indicating they go his bedroom. He then carefully unpacked the bag on the bed, considering each object as he set it down. He didn’t notice anything foreign beyond McGuire’s shirt. He stood back and considered the pile of items and watched as McGuire reached down and started messing with them. The taller man started unwrapping Amir’s carefully folded socks, causing Amir to raise an eyebrow. But, before he could say something snarky, a small item dropped from a pair of socks as they unfolded. A small heart-shaped stone.

Preach. He spent his downtime whittling at small stones, carving crosses, stars, and hearts.

The men both smiled, thinking of their injured friend and then both dug into the pile to find the Jaz and Top items.

They found one of Jaz’s headscarf pins wrapped up in another sock bundle and a small piece of scrap paper on which Top had hastily sketched a scene of a story he had been telling the others one evening by the fire. It was barely charred on one edge.

“He probably tossed it and she noticed it didn’t make it into the fire,” Amir smiled, then he set the paper down next to the other objects. He picked up his shirt and handed it back to McGuire, “Maybe you should keep it. She’d want that.”

“Nah, I don’t need it. I have you here,” McGuire smiled, picking up his own tee shirt from the pile, “But if you leave, we trade again.”

“Deal,” Amir nodded.

McGuire then turned on his heel and headed for the door, “I’m hungry! Let’s find something to eat.”

“Hey! Don’t leave this mess in my room!”

McGuire laughed maniacally as he entered the hall and then popped his head back in, “Your room, your stuff, your mess,” and then ran down the hall laughing.

“Jerk,” Amir complained as he smiled at his treasures before having a thought and quickly exiting the room.

“Hey,” he said as he entered the main room and headed toward the kitchen. He heard McGuire answer with “What?” just before he rounded the corner to the kitchen, “What else did she take of mine?” he tried to think about what he was missing.

“Sometimes you can’t figure it out,” McGuire said, pulling food from the fridge, “Top will never guess that paper.”

McGuire appeared from behind the refrigerator door and saw Amir thinking hard about his belongings.

“It could be a kitchen utensil,” he said, breaking Amir’s reverie.

“What?”

“You’re the chef, so that would represent you,” he smiled, “See? You might not be able to guess.”

“What do you have of theirs?” Amir shifted his thoughts.

“Uh, your shirt, Jaz’s hairband, an HDMI cable...Preach,” they both laughed, “and one of Top’s cigars. Bet he was pissed when he discovered it missing,” McGuire smirked. Amir chuckled with delight.

“So, it’s a bit of a game, when we deploy again, to try and guess what everyone has of ours. We don’t normally reveal that during leave. But, it’s your first one, so I broke the rules,” he winked.

“Who knew Jaz was so sentimental,” Amir said as he opened a jar of mayonnaise. 

“She’s just a klepto,” McG snorted, causing them both to erupt in laughter.

They enjoyed their late snack and then agreed it was time for sleep. McGuire fired up Amir’s wood stove and they bid goodnight. After Joseph had left, Amir quietly and carefully gathered up his belongings and neatly placed them in drawers. He left his team treasures out though, electing to arrange them on the top of the dresser. He added a polaroid he had of the team and smiled.

Perfect.


	3. Wapun, Warriors, and Weapons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amir gets his first look at the ranch and its occupants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long! I'm not even sure if this is a good chapter, but...well, it's something!

Joseph woke before dawn and dressed quietly, hoping not to disturb his guest. Early mornings on the ranch were his favorite. That would probably be surprising to the other team members, who rarely saw him up early while deployed. The truth was, he did wake early, but he stayed in his room to read or think. Early mornings caused the most homesickness so he usually kept to himself until he heard the others actively moving about the quonset hut. Mornings in the Middle East were very different from mornings in Montana. Nothing quite compared to the quiet and serenity of mornings in the wilderness of home.

He bypassed the kitchen and headed out to the front door to tend to the chores. First up, a treat for Wapun. He could hear her grumbling behind the gate, likely annoyed he had not said hello to her the night before.

He grabbed a bowlful of blueberries from the refrigerator in the barn and headed out to the large gate. He peeked through the gate saw that she was grazing nearby, but certainly heard him. Her head lifted and she looked toward the gate. Her herd was far in the distance, so he entered without worry.

“Oki, Wapun. Tsá kinóóhkanistá’paissp?” he said as he unbolted the large gate. As he entered, she began walking toward him. 

She gently rubbed her velvety head against Joseph’s chest as he scratched her thick fur. She stood only 4 feet tall, perfect for a good cuddle...and to eat berries. She munched on the treat with delight as he quietly enjoyed her company.

She looked up suddenly, bringing Joseph’s attention to the distant sound of a door opening and closing. Amir had woken. Joseph walked over and opened the gate.

“Morning!”

“Good morning,” Amir responded, smiling toward his friend.

“C’mon. You can meet Wapun,” Joseph called, beckoning Amir over.

Amir shook his head in mild defiance, but walked toward his friend anyway. He wasn’t sure what to expect. He pictured a massive, horned beast digging her hooves into the dirt with fire in her eyes. He recalled Joseph’s lack of response to his question about whether bison were friendly.

Joseph smirked as he watched his friend approach, amused at Amir’s hesitation to meet Wapun.

“Alright, ready?” he asked as Amir reached is side. Amir nodded with a curious, but concerned smile.

Joseph guided him through the gate, watching his friend to see his reaction to Wapun as she came into view. Amir’s features switched from hesitant to intrigued once he saw her.

“She’s small!” he exclaimed, but added, “-ish.”

Joseph laughed, “Yes, the females are not as large and Wapun is a bit of a runt.” He whispered the last bit behind a raised hand, which made Amir chuckle.

Wapun walked forward and nudged McGuire with her head, demanding more blueberries. He complied with a laugh, “Sorry I got distracted, Wapun.”

“So, they are friendly,” Amir said as he watched her munch her blueberries.

“Well, Wapun is. I wouldn’t just walk up to the others,” Joseph said as he pet the fur on her forehead.

“Why is she different?” Amir asked, wondering if he’d be allowed the same honor to touch the animal that stood before him.

“I bottle fed her. She was orphaned as a calf, so I took her in,” McGuire answered, “I was home on a long leave. It was just after my DELTA team…” his voice faded off.

Amir didn’t need him to finish that sentence.

“It was before Top found me, so I ended up with a lot of time to raise her up. We got attached to each other,” he smiled as he stroked her fur, “Good timing, I guess.”

“Fate, perhaps,” Amir smiled. Joseph only smiled.

“Would you like to pet her?”

“Will she let me?” Amir asked, not wanting to upset the beautiful creature.

“It might take a minute, but she’s pretty good with people,” he said, “Bison are grazers, so she’s not interested in eating you. If you are slow and gentle, she won’t get spooked. Here, hold out your hand like this.” Joseph demonstrated the motion and Amir followed suit, timidly.

Wapun seemed slightly alarmed at the idea of Amir reaching toward her, so she backed up a few steps, but didn’t panic.

“It’s okay,” Joseph told her as he stroked her fur, encouraging her, “he’s my friend. He won’t hurt you. O’towá’pssit.”

Amir stood still, waiting for Wapun to warm up to him, careful to not make any sudden moves. After a moment she stepped forward and sniffed his hand, accepting that he wasn’t a threat. After another moment, he managed to gently stroke the fur on her forehead. It was thick and soft.

“See, there you go,” Joseph smiled, “Best of friends.”

“Well, I think she likes you better,” Amir winked.

They doted on Wapun for a bit longer and then headed out of the enclosure to get the day started.

“How did you sleep?” McGuire asked as they walked toward the barn.

“Soundly,” Amir admitted as he looked around at the homestead in daylight. In addition to several livestock and supply buildings, he saw another cabin in the distance, “Who lives there?” he asked, pointing toward the cabin.

“Oh, it’s sort of a guest house,” Joseph revealed, “Sometimes seasonal ranch hands stay there.”

“Doesn’t have a staff,” Amir mumbled under his breath to tease McGuire.

“Whatever! It’s not the same, rich boy!” McGuire waved him off with a laugh.

Amir chuckled and shook his head as McGuire bounded ahead of him.

“Gotta feed the other animals! I’m late!” he called out and then turned back toward Amir, “Too long lovin’ on Wapun.”

“Can the animals tell time?” Amir joked.

“Oh, they KNOW.”

As the two fed the chickens and horses, McGuire’s dog ran up on them happily.

“Well, it’s about time. I was getting ready to send a search party, you vagabond,” Joseph said as he ruffled her ears, “This is Sooleawa. We just call her Soo.”

Amir offered his hand to the large white dog, allowing her to sniff and decide if she liked him. She immediately nudged into him, demanding attention, “Well, okay then!” he said, petting her as commanded.

“What breed is she?” Amir asked as he scratched behind her ears, much to her delight.

“A Maremma Sheepdog,” Joseph answered, stroking her back, “She’s really good with the animals and is a good guard dog. But she’s also a big sucker for cuddles.”

“Why was she not home?”

“She’s allowed to be free. She patrols, keeps an eye on things. Who knows, she may have chased of a wolf or something,” he explained, “But sometimes, she likes to sleep in the cabin. She will tonight, with the storm coming in.”

“Maybe we should put her in the cabin, so she doesn’t run off again?” Amir suggested.

“Nah, she knows the storm is coming. All the animals do. She knows the drill,” he said as he fluffed her fur again, “and if she does wander off, she knows how to get into the horse stables, which are heated.”

Amir smiled and chuckled.

“What?” McGuire asked, wondering what amused Amir.

“I can just see how much I have to learn out here. You are not even slightly worried about your animals. I’m feeling nervous about everything!”

Joseph laughed, “You’ll learn.”

The two went inside, Soo following, to have breakfast before starting in on the big storm preparations. Amir immediately began pulling ingredients and placing them on the counter. He looked up to find Joseph standing and watching him with a big, toothy smile.

Amir shook his head, “Yes, I’m cooking for you, Joseph. I can’t have you eating a bison steak for every meal.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“Well, she’s a smart woman.”

McGuire chuckled and began preparing Soo’s breakfast.

“Raw?” Amir asked as he watch McGuire fill a bowl full of raw meat, veggies, and fruit.

“Yes, she eats raw. She loves it,” Joseph responded, smiling down at Soo who sat in anticipation. He topped the bowl with a bone marrow chunk and set it on the floor for her. She dug in with excited pleasure.

“Where does your mother live?” Amir asked as he worked at the counter.

McGuire paused and wondered why the question was posed. Amir looked over and saw his perplexed look.

“She doesn’t seem to have a bedroom here and you said ranch hands lived in the guest house,” Amir explained.

McGuire smiled. Always considering the details, “She lives here,” he said, walking back to the counter to help Amir, “Maybe it’s weird...we share the master bedroom. I mean, she sleeps in one of the other rooms when I’m home...usually.”

“Usually?”

“I wake up with her sleeping next to me a lot,” he smiled sheepishly, secretly looking forward to the next time he woke up to her presence.

Amir smiled. A mother who missed her son. He could imagine how stressful it was to her to have a son in the military, especially when he was her only family. “It’s not weird, Joseph,” he assured.

Joseph didn’t answer, instead focusing his attention on the ingredients before him, “What can I do?”

“You can chop those,” Amir pointed, speaking with an inviting but authoritative tone.

The two prepared the meal and enjoyed it together, laughing at Soo’s failed attempts to convince them to give her some of their food. After eating, they cleaned up the kitchen.

“Did you mother ever marry?”  Amir asked tentatively.

“No,” McGuire answered, washing a plate, “she’s never shown much interest in men, actually.”

Amir took a plate from Joseph to dry it while tilting his head, inviting more information. Joseph smirked. Always curious. Not that he minded. He liked talking to Amir.

“Between you and me, I think she might like the ladies more,” he winked, “But that’s still pretty taboo around here,” he answered, a wave of sadness washing over him. He only wanted his mother to be happy and it seemed life constantly tried to take that from her.

“Perhaps she has a ‘friend’ on the retreat,” Amir smiled.

McGuire smiled widely, “Maybe!”

Before the two headed out to prepare for the storm, McGuire surprised Amir with a visit to the basement.

“So this door isn’t a closet,” Amir smirked as they descended a staircase behind a door in the hall.

McGuire chuckled, “No, it’s a playground,” he beamed, excited to show Amir his collections.

In one corner, a large sofa and chair surrounded a large flat-screen TV and what looked to be several game consoles. In the other corner lived a collection of gym equipment. On the far wall, there were several built in shelves and cabinets with supplies and canned foods. McGuire watched his friend gaze at the room, smiling as Amir’s eyes settled on the far wall, his eyebrows raising slightly. He knew Amir would notice.

 “Something’s not right with those shelves,” Amir mumbled out as his brain cycled through possibilities.

“What do you mean? They are perfectly good shelves. I installed them myself!” Joseph answered, feigning offense. Amir tilted his head and looked at McGuire out of the corner of his eye.

“You have a hidden room, Joseph,” he smirked.

“Do I?”

Amir just smiled and waited for his friend to give in. McGuire finally cracked and busted out laughing.

“I knew you’d notice! Sneaky spy!” He walked over to the shelving as Amir followed. He quietly looked at Amir and then looked at his hand as he reached under a shelf and activated a switch. The wall shifted open and revealed a substantial safe door. McGuire showed Amir the combination and opened the door. He turned to this side with a smile and allowed Amir to peek in.

The room was full of weapons. Guns, knives, spears. Amir’s eyes were wide with wonder.

“McGuire, what...?” Amir asked, unable to finish his sentence. He slowly entered the room and looked at all the cases and displays before turning back to McGuire with a questioning look.

McGuire chuckled, “Robert started it. He liked to collect Revolutionary War weapons,” he pointed to a case in the corner as he walked over. Several pistols and muskets sat in the case, surrounded by other relics of the era, “And these are all Blackfoot ceremonial items.” 

The two walked over to the far wall where garments, weapons, and pouches sat in cases and hung on the wall.

“What are the ceremonies?” Amir asked, looking intently at the elaborate designs on the garments.

“There are several. Mostly the Sun Dance,” McGuire answered, “This was gifted to me. A warrior spear.”

“Are you a warrior in the tribe?” Amir asked, looking over.

“Yes,” McGuire answered, but offered no more explanation. Amir didn’t pry and Joseph was thankful for it. It was important to him that these things were revealed in a respectful way.

Amir moved to look at a photo on the table. McGuire watched, wondering what Amir would think of the image. It was of him, clean-shaven and in full warrior face paint and garments.

“That’s intense,” Amir smiled, looking over at McGuire.

“That’s the point,” McGurie winked.

“We’re both tribal people,” Amir said offhand as he turned to look at the more modern weapons that filled the room - handguns, rifles, semi-automatics, knives.

McGuire pondered the statement. He hadn’t really considered it before, but he was right. They were both tribal people. Amir had been privileged, but the traditions and culture of the tribes were still strong in the Middle-east. Maybe this shared tribal sense was why they had bonded so easily.

“Were your parents traditional? Did they teach you things about the culture?”

“Some. It was mostly from my caretaker,” Amir looked over, “My marbiat 'atfal ...Nanny?”

“Of course you had a nanny,” McGuire smiled.

“Oh stop,” Amir laughed before continuing, “She told me many stories and tales. I was always drawn to the adventure and intrigue.”

“Guess you went into the right line of work!” McGuire smiled, slapping his hand on Amir’s shoulder, “Well, we should really get on the storm preparations.”

Amir nodded and followed his friend out, hoping they would return so he could check out more of the collections.

Just as the two reached the top of the stairs, Amir barely noticed McGuire’s index finger quickly tap a small glass jar tucked into the wall on the side of the door frame. Inside were several fired bullets and metal fragments. The light was not good and the jar was clearly meant to be hidden, but Amir was certain he could see dried blood inside.

Why did Joseph have a jar of bloody bullets? Amir watched his friend disappear around the door frame into the hallway, not offering any explanation for the jar or the finger tap. He filed the question in his mind for a future conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oki, Wapun. Tsá kinóóhkanistá’paissp? = Hello, Wapun. How are you?  
> O’towá’pssit = Be friendly  
> Sooleawa = Silver  
> marbiat 'atfal = nursemaid


	4. Snow, Soo (The Traitor), and Siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amir enjoys his first snowstorm and the team enjoys a pizza together....sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, I'm on a roll!
> 
> I just realized I have a mention of Jaz being in Florida in here, but I don't explain it. I had originally written something that explained that, but removed it to use in another chapter. So, now it feels really strange to have Amir ask her about that. Whoops! I'll think about what I want to do with that, but for now...just know that she's in Florida for a reason and we'll discuss it at some point!!

After a long day of storm preparations, Amir and McGuire retired to the living room to relax. As McGuire spoke to Soo to settle her down for the evening, Amir took a moment to look around. The cabin, aside from the bedrooms and baths, was an open floor plan in a backward L shape. After entering the front door, the kitchen was on the left and a table and shelves were on the right - a sort of dining room that was converted to a project or craft space. Amir recalled the drawings he had seen on the table. He glanced over and found them in the same manner as they were when he arrived. The living room was furthest from the front door, just off of the craft area. A fireplace adorned the wall parallel to the front door. The fireplace wall was originally the far wall of the house, before the extra bedrooms were added. On the left was the hall and door to McGuire’s bedroom, on the right, a large picture window and a smaller window, both of which looked out on the bison enclosure and a far reaching expanse of wilderness, with mountain peaks in the distance. Amir realized that Joseph had the best view from his bedroom - a direct line of site to the majestic, snow-capped mountains and the evening sunsets. Not that the view from the living room wasn’t amazing. It was definitely a lot like Mongolia. Amir couldn’t believe how small he felt under the wide skies.

Amir’s gaze returned back to the room where he sat on the end of the couch, closest to the picture window and facing the fireplace. Adjacent to the couch, sitting in front of the hall and bedroom door, was a large, plush recliner that seemed to perfectly fit McGuire’s tall frame. A wooden rocking chair sat in the corner between the fireplace and window. It looked to be hand-built, as most of the items in the cabin appeared.

Soo had taken up residence on a plush pillow in front of the fireplace, which crackled with orange and red warmth. It was peaceful here. The quiet he attempted to find during prayer (but often alluded him), was easy here. The wind was the loudest thing they heard.

As soon as the thought of quiet entered Amir’s mind, he heard a trampling of many hooves in the distance. The herd of bison were on the move.

“They are quite imposing,” he said offhand as he gazed out the window, trying to get a glimpse of them.

“They sense the storm. Probably adjusting for the wind,” McGuire answered, stretching his neck to peer out the window into the distance.

Outside, patches of earth peeked through the snow-covered ground, a last attempt to suck up some sunlight before sunset and a new blanket of the frozen whiteness arrived. Amir felt almost giddy, hoping he would be able to see the snow falling in the dark. He leaned forward and strained his neck to look upward to the sky out the large window. McGuire chuckled behind him.

“Looking for that first flake?”

“I hope we can see it falling,” Amir answered, still gazing skyward.

“Oh, we will. You’ll see,” Joseph answered. Amir looked back to find him smirking in his chair, a knowing look on his face.

“You’re enjoying this,” Amir smirked back.

“You’re like a 5 year old going to the fair.”

Amir just shook his head with a smile and looked back to the window. A chill in the air made him shiver.

“I can turn up the fire,” McGuire offered, making a move to get up.

“No, no, I’ll just use a blanket,” Amir countered as he grabbed a throw from the couch and wrapped it around him. 

McGuire shrugged his shoulders and sat back, “Well, feel free to add to the fire, if you want,” he said.

Soo huffed as her head lay sleepily on her pillow, as if to tell them to quiet down. Amir raised his eyebrows at her and McGuire chuckled, “Sorry to disturb you, Queen Sooleawa.” She gave him side-eye and then huffed again.

Amir snickered, “What does Sooleawa mean?”

“Silver,” Joseph answered, “I know, real original,” he continued, referring to her silvery-white coat.

“It’s a nice name.”

Amir took a deep, relaxed breath and turned his attention to the decorations in the room. In addition to various decorative objects of American, European, and Blackfoot origin, several photographs were scattered throughout. A few of a younger Joseph, who definitely had an awkward lanky phase in his teen years. Amir noted that without the facial hair, his Native heritage shone through even stronger. His face was chiseled and rugged with a sharp jawline that was hidden under his beard.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a photo of a Native American with a beard,” Amir offered.

“Random,” McGuire responded to the unexpected comment, “No, it’s not common. Top requires me to have it.”

“It does allow you to pass for several ethnicities.”

“It does. And, I like it. Mom isn’t as big of a fan,” Joseph smirked with a twinkle in his eye. He adjusted in his chair to sit up straighter and face Amir, “if the timing works out, I’ll shave it sometimes for a ceremony. It grows quickly.”

“Is it required? To be clean-shaven for the ceremonies?” Amir asked, turning his body toward McGuire and settling deeper into the corner of the couch.

“Some. But, even if there isn’t a requirement, wearing face paint with a beard can be awkward,” McGuire winked.

Amir laughed at the thought of a colorful beard. Not as imposing at the striking image he saw in the basement.

“When in mourning, you’re supposed to shave your head too. And cover yourself in white clay,” McGuire revealed.

“You’re whole body?”

“Yes. And wear worn clothing and fast,” he added, “and...cut off a finger.”

Amir sat up and leaned forward, “Excuse me?”

“Self-torture is a cultural thing. It isn’t widely practiced anymore. It was actually illegal for a while, at least by American law. But that was overturned, so some people still honor the old ways.”

“Do you do that?”

“Top would kill me! Imagine a combat medic without a finger,” McGuire smiled, “but, I’d do something, if I lost my mother.”

“Like what?”

“Maybe just a cut. Bleed a little,” he shrugged. Amir shuddered at the idea, but decided it wasn’t his place to judge Joseph’s cultural traditions.

“Okay, that’s...not too bad, I suppose,” he said quietly.

“It’s not about self-harm. It’s about...sacrifice,” McGuire noted, “You think the finger is bad? During the Sun Dance, you’re supposed to attach a lead to a pole and then pierce your chest with something and attach the lead. Then, dance until it rips out of your chest.”

Amir visibly shuddered.

McGuire smiled, “It’s sacrifice. It’s prayer. Connecting with ancestors, animals, and the earth.”

“I’ve never seen any scars on your chest.”

“No, I’ve never done it. I’m not really here to participate very often,” McGuire shook his head.

“Would you?”

Joseph was quiet for a moment, gazing at the fire while he pondered the question before answering, “Yes.”

Amir was somewhat surprised at the answer, “You’re a doctor. You know how dangerous that could be…”

“I’m a doctor. I know how to do it without the dangers,” McGuire smiled. Amir shook his head with a small smile.

“Alright, Ahanu,” Amir conceded, “Is it something the team could attend, if you ever were to participate?”

“You’re my family, so yes,” McGuire answered.

Amir nodded, wondering if the event would ever happen. As he gazed at his friend, adjusting to this new information, he saw McGuire nod toward the window. Amir turned to see a few sparkling snowflakes falling to the ground. He turned and leaned toward the window. The sun had set and the moon was bright in the sky, illuminating the frozen diamonds as they fell quietly to earth. It was mesmerizing.

The few quickly turned to many and the wind picked up and swirled the flakes in the air. Before long, Amir could barely see the fence surrounding the bison enclosure, though it was only a few hundred feet away. The thing that surprised Amir the most was how much more cozy everything felt, as if the snow was a heavy blanket that enveloped the earth.

He wasn’t sure how long he stared out the window, entranced by the snow, but eventually he was pulled from his reverie with a chuckle from across the room.

“'Iinaha sahuria,” Amir mumbled without looking away, “La yujad shay' mithl dhlk.”

“I didn’t understand all of that. Magic. Nothing,” McGuire inquired, sharing the few words he understood.

Amir blinked and looked over at his friend, “Sorry! I didn’t realize I was speaking Arabic!”

Joseph laughed, “No worries. I do that all the time with mom. We go in an out of English and Sikkika and I don’t even notice.”

“I said it’s magical and there isn’t anything else like it,” Amir smiled, looking back at the window.

“C’mon,” McGuire said, standing up suddenly, beckoning Amir to follow him. Amir grimaced, not wanting to leave his warm cocoon. 

“C’mon!” McGuire demanded.

“Why? What are we doing?”

“We are going to play in the snow!” McGuire said playfully as he tossed Amir’s coat toward him. It landed perfectly on top of his head which thoroughly amused Joseph. Amir pulled it off and stood. 

“Really? Grown men are going to play in the snow?” Before McGuire answered Amir, Soo was up and at the door, tail wagging.

“Hell yeah! Right Soo? Snow is made for fun!”

They let Soo bound outside and then bundled up. Outside, the snow swirled around them and it made Amir feel like he was inside a snow globe. He imagined a slew of giant people in an airport filing by their little snowy world that sat on a shelf in an overpriced trinket store, unaware of the magic that existed inside that little glass ball. As he looked over the moonlit landscape, he felt a thump and blast of cold on the side of his head. Snowball.

“Oh, that was a good hit!” McGuire laughed, backing up as he formed a new snowball in his hand. Soo ran and jumped, biting the snow and weaving between the two men.

“You’re going down, McG,” Amir countered, watching McGuire pack the snow in his hands. He dashed off to the side of the cabin and quickly created a couple of snowballs before carefully peeking around the corner. A snowball flew past him as he quickly ducked his head back. He immediately jumped out and threw a pass, hitting Joseph in the arm as he ducked. He threw the second, hoping to get McGuire as he turned back to face him, but the man was too fast and he swung out of the way of the second missile.

A snowball fight of elaborate proportions ensued for a good 30 minutes. The men used their combat training to take cover and engage in covert attacks. Soo was horrible at giving away their locations though, so she ended up with a lot of snowballs lobbied in her direction. Not that she minded. Quite the opposite. She yelped with joy every time a globe of white powder headed her direction.

Eventually they retired to the porch to catch their breath.

“Soo needs some basic training. She gave away the friendlies location every time!” Amir complained in a playful tone.

“She also switched sides so many times she must have whiplash,” McGuire whined, “I would have annihilated him, Soo! You ruined it!”

“Don’t listen to him, Soo. He never had a chance,” Amir fluffed her ears with this thick gloves. She panted and then shook her body again to remove the remaining snow caught in her fur.

McGuire waved a hand in the air with annoyance and huffed.

There was a good few inches of fresh snow on the ground and it didn’t look to be letting up any time soon.

“How much snow do you think will fall?” Amir asked, collapsing his body into a tight ball as he sat on the porch next to McGuire.

“They predicted a couple feet,” the taller man answered as he pulled his arms in tighter around his torso.

Amir’s eyes widened, which caused McGuire to chuckle, “C’mon, let’s go back in. That fire sounds good about now.”

Back inside, the men agreed to pull out a few tabletop games to pass the time. At some point, a selfie of the two men, outside and covered in snow, was sent to the team.

 

Top: Damn, you’re getting dumped on

Jaz: Amir, you look like a popsicle!

Amir: I’m fine, thank you!

McG: *picture of Amir wrapped in two blankets by the fireplace. Remnants of the game of Stratego sitting on the coffee table*

Amir: Jerk

Jaz: *laughing emoji*

Top: Hey that looks comfortable, Amir

Amir: Exactly!

McG: *picture of Soo sniffing the phone, resulting in a close up of her snout*

Preach: That’s a good puppy!

Top: Preach, how you doin?

Preach: Can’t complain. Got my girls and a lot of room service!

Jaz: Ha! Milk it as long as you can, Preach!

Preach: *winking emoji*

McG: I’m hungry. I want a pizza.

Amir: I’m guessing no delivery out here, friend.

Top: DiGiorno

Jaz: Nasty!

McG: Pizza snob

Jaz: Proud of it! #NewYorkPizzaFTW

Preach: Amir, you ever make pizza?

Amir: I’ve made a pizza or two in my lifetime

McG: MAKE IT HAPPEN

Top: Damn it

Jaz: Now you want pizza! *laughing until crying emoji*

Amir: Any pizza delivery to your place, Top?

Top: Nope

Jaz: Because he lives in the wilderness like a crazy person.

McG: Um, excuse me

Top: I’m only 30 minutes from civilization, McG is about 4 hours.

McG: That’s an exaggeration

Jaz: Civilization? That town is like 7 blocks long.

Top: At least they have pizza.

Jaz: That they don’t deliver!

Top: But I could go pick it up….

Preach: You’re putting on your boots, aren’t you?

Top: I hate you, McGuire.

McG: BRING ME A SLICE

Jaz: Funny, the one who started this is the one that won’t get any pizza. *laughing emoji*

McG: Pizza will be made, don’t you worry your little head about it!

Jaz: Don’t call my head little! I’ll punch you in the throat.

Amir: Aggressive

Top: Eh, he deserved it *winking emoji*

Top: Ok, I gotta go before they close

Amir: Enjoy!

McG: Ammmmmiiiirrrrrrrr

Amir: I’m sitting right next to you. You could just speak to me

McG: I need pizza.

Amir: Again, right next to you

McG: Too hungry to speak. Wasting away. Will die soon.

Jaz: *GIF of fainting goat*

Jaz: *screenshot of her pizza order*

Preach: *screenshot of his pizza order*

McG: AMMMIIIRRRRR!!! THEY ALL HAVE PIZZA!!!

Amir: Who’s fault is that?

Amir: *several pizza emojis*

Jaz: Who knew McGuire was such a baby?

McG: TAKE THAT BACK

Jaz: Not a chance, sucka!

McG: *angry emoji*

Amir: If we are going to make pizza, you need to put your phone down.

McG: DONE

 

The Whatsapp conversation paused, but as McGuire and Amir waited for their pizzas to finish baking, they heard a ping.

 

Jaz: *picture of her pizza and the pizza delivery man*

Jaz: He wasn’t horrible to look at…

McG: Did you invite him in for a slice? *winking emoji*

Jaz: I ain’t sharing my pizza!

Amir: *laughing emoji* *pizza emoji* *heart emoji*

McG: *picture of their pizza in the oven*

McG: NOT MUCH LONGER!!

Preach: *picture with his wife and daughters and their pizza*

Jaz: Hi Carters!!

Preach: hello back!

Top: *picture of his pizza on the passenger seat of his truck, a slice missing*

Preach: Careful driving there, Adam *smile emoji*

Top: I’m a professional

Amir: Jaz, what did the delivery man think of having his picture taken?

Jaz: Ha! He blushed so hard!

Preach: He was sweet on you!

Jaz: Oh please

McG: *several heart-eyes emojis*

Jaz: *selfie of her stuffing a slice in her mouth*

Amir: *picture of McGuire pulling pizza from the oven with a giant, stupid grin on his face*

Preach: You may not get any of that, Amir!

Amir: I made two *winking emoji* *pizza emoji*

Jaz: Ya’ll want to watch a movie together?

 

Amir cocked his head, wondering what she meant. McGuire smiled as he stuffed the last of his slice in his mouth and grabbed is phone.

 

McG: We’re down! What should we watch?

Amir: ?

Preach: We are about to watch Apollo 13 over here.

Top: That’s a good movie

Jaz: Um, texting and driving…

Top: I’m voice texting. It’s the twenty first century.

 

“Have you seen it?” McGuire asked Amir. Amir shook his head no, “It’s good. You want to watch it?”

“Sure,” Amir answered, taking another bite.

 

McG: Ok, Amir and I are on board with Apollo 13. He hasn’t seen it.

Jaz: What? Where have you been??

Amir: I’ve never been much of a movie buff, I guess.

Top: Wait until I’m home. 20 minutes.

Jaz: I’m gonna have to download this.

McG: It’s on Vudu. I just found it.

Preach: Okay, let us know when to hit play!

 

“Is this a thing? Watching movies together?” Amir asked as they situated in the living room with the rest of their pizza.

“Movies or TV or even games. Jaz and I will play video games together online sometimes,” McGuire answered, settling on the other end of the couch, a better vantage point for the television.

“I’m not the only one who is missing everyone, then,” Amir smiled, taking another bite.

McGuire chuckled, “We’re pretty pathetic, really.”

McGuire opened his laptop on the coffee table and positioned it so it picked up both him and Amir in the camera.

“What are you doing?”

“Watching a movie with the team,” he answered with a chuckle. He opened a video chat with Jaz and soon after, Preach and his family joined. Amir was introduced to the Carters as they all waited for Top to join.

“Thanks for the pizza uncle Joe!” the younger Carter daughter called.

“What? Hold on, I’m pretty sure I paid for that pizza, girl,” Preach countered.

“You’re welcome kiddo!” McGuire answered happily.

“He suggested it!” she argued.

“That’s not how this works,” Preach complained in a light-hearted tone.

“Sounds legit,” Jaz said, giggling as she took another bite of pizza.

“Where are you, Jaz?” Amir asked, looking at her surroundings.

“Florida.”

“Yes, but where? Is that a hotel?” Amir asked.

“It am Airbmmb,” she answered with a full mouth. The Carter girls giggled at her slurred response.

“Classy,” McGuire said and then shoved a half slice of pizza fully into his mouth.

“Yes, classy,” Amir rolled his eyes, looking over at McGuire with disgust. McGuire shrugged his shoulders with a look of innocence.

A ping sounded, indicating Top was signing in. Soon his face appeared on the screen. His hair and beard were fuller than usual and he wore a Philadelphia Eagles sweatshirt.

“You got any snow there yet, Top?” McGuire inquired.

“Not yet. Getting colder though,” he said before taking a swig of a freshly opened cold beer.

“Hit play!!!” the older Carter daughter called out, causing the entire group to laugh. 

Soon they were watching the movie and commenting throughout. Amir realized quickly that it was less about the movie and more about the fun of reviewing the movie and laughing together. It was a pleasant evening and Amir realized he hadn’t felt completely comfortable and relaxed somewhere like this in a very long time. Since he and his sister would spend time together. He smiled as he looked around at all the faces, in person and on screen. It was nice to have siblings again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iinaha sahuria - It's magical.  
> La yujad shay' mithl dhlk. - There's nothing like it.


	5. Flashbacks, Feathers, and Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning...description of a PTSD episode. Also, lots of cursing.

McGuire jerked awake, his heart racing. He immediately took in his surroundings. Chaos. An overturned humvee was in the distance. He stumbled toward it. He could hear the blasts of rockets and bullets all around him. He felt blood on his face and sand on his skin as he reached the humvee and turned around to crouch against it. Looking over the scene, he saw his DELTA team lying motionless on the ground, their assault rifles lying dormant in the sand. He panicked.

How did he not know they were hit? 

Why wasn’t he hit? 

He struggled to remember what had happened as he scrambled to reach them. Blood everywhere. No one was responding. Oh god. Jesse was  _ inside out. _

He felt something touch him from behind and swung around to defend himself. He pinned down the attacker, messily reaching for his ka-bar, but not finding it.

_ What the fuck happened to my ka-bar?  _ He screamed in his mind as he gave up the attempt and reached up to wrap his hands around the man’s neck.

The enemy fought against him. He was strong and McGuire was weak and injured. 

_ Damn it!  _

The other man got the better hand and pinned him against the humvee. McGuire yelled in protest and looked over at his team, hoping they had just been unconscious and would come to his aid. No. They were motionless.

Dead.

This was so fucked!

As he struggled against his attacker, trying to figure out why they didn’t just fill him with bullets, he thought he heard someone speaking Siksika. It made no sense. Was he losing his mind? No one here would know that language. Only a few thousand people in the world knew that language and they were nowhere near this hell hole.

He tried to hear what they were saying.

_ Ahanu! _

_ What the fuck?  _ How did they know his name? The sound of his name made his mind spin and the world spun around him right along with it. The attacker let go and then he felt something in his hands. He looked down.

Wait. That’s strange.

His fingers slowly slid across the feathers and beads on the small toy. He knew this toy. It was his a long time ago. His mother had made it.

“Na’a?” he said aloud as he stared at the object. The world continued to spin and the sound of bullets and rockets was drowned out by a painful, loud ringing. But through it, he heard more Siksika. 

“Isstsííyit. Ikamotsíípi,” he heard.

He looked up at the man in front of him. His face wasn’t recognizable. Blank, blurred. Wait. Eyes. He knew those eyes. Or did he? It felt like he was looking through someone else’s eyes. He shook his head and listened closer as he stared at the person before him, hoping something would make sense soon.

Why wasn’t he attacking him anymore?

Why did he have this toy?

Why did he know his name?

The man repeated the words again and again. McGuire began to realize he was clutching the toy in his hands so tightly, it made indentions in his skin. He stared at the toy, again running his fingers over it.

“Isstsííyit. Ikamotsíípi.”

He heard it again and looked up at the man. Though blurry, his features were present. 

...Amir?

How? 

He cocked his head to the side, instantly becoming aware of the hands that firmly held his head on either side.

“Ahanu, Ikamotsíípi,” he heard again, this time in Amir’s distinct voice.

How did Amir get there? He looked back over and saw his DELTA team lying on the ground in pools of red blood...but they felt different. Far away. Fuzzy.

“No! Come back!” He called out and reached for them as they faded into black.   
  
“Ahanu, issapítooka. Ikamotsíípi,” Amir said quietly, not loosening his grip on McGuire’s head.

“Amir?” McGuire asked as he stared at the man before him. He saw familiar furnishings come into view around them as the desert faded away. He was in his bedroom. Home. Montana.

Nothing really made sense. He squeezed his eyes shut and listened to Amir speaking Siksika as he held the toy in his hands. It felt like hours...days. Who knew.

At one point, he felt his heartbeat in his ears and thought he was going to blackout. He leaned his head back against the humvee.

Wait. Not a humvee. A bookshelf.

Right, he was home. Montana. Not in hell. Not dead.

But they were dead.  _ Are  _ dead. Their faces swirled in his head and he collapsed into a pile and sobbed until everything faded away.

  
  


*******

  
  


McGuire awoke on the floor in the corner of his bedroom, his hands desperately clutching his feathered toy - his anchor to the real world. He slowly sat up and looked around. He was alone. Where was Amir? Was he ever there?

He ran his hand through his hair and over his face and then cautiously looked over to the place he had last seen his DELTA team. Nothing. They were gone.

He didn’t know what to feel about that.

As he tried to compose himself, still clutching the toy, he heard footfalls in the hall. Amir appeared in the doorway.

“Ahanu. Tea,” he said as he approached slowly and crouched down. McGuire looked up at him. His eyes felt like hard, cold marbles in his head.

He took the warm cup of liquid and smelled it. Tea.

Right. He just said that.

“Ahanu? Can you tell me my name?” Amir asked.

“Amir,” McGuire answered, exhausted. He sipped the tea.

“Where are you?”

McGuire looked up before responding. Home. He was home.

Right?

He looked around and saw his bed. Books.

“Home?” He responded timidly.

“Home. Montana,” Amir shared, nodding. He placed his hands on McGuire’s shoulders and squeezed tightly, “Safe,” he waited a moment before continuing, “Where  _ were  _ you?” 

McGuire didn’t want to answer that question. He sipped the tea instead and looked over at the bookshelf on the adjacent wall.

“Ahanu, you know the rules. Where were you? What happened?” Amir asked again with authority.

McGuire squeezed his toy tighter.  _ No, I’m not talking about it _ , he thought to himself.

It had been a long time since his last night terror. He thought he was over that shit. It was not welcome. Not at all.

“Ahanu,” Amir said again, warmly. McGuire felt his friend’s hand wrap around the back of his head, “Sitsípssatakka.”

McGuire wiggled his way out of Amir’s grip and leaned his body further away from his friend.

“Isstákatakka,” Amir said, laying his hand on McGuire’s arm.

McGuire groaned in protest and rolled his head on his neck until he was looking back at Amir. Damn it. He knew Amir was right. He had to talk about it. Shoving it in a corner didn’t help anything.

“Ahanu.”

“They were all dead,” he whispered, finally, “There,” he pointed in the middle of the room.

“Who?”

“Mike. Billy. Marcus,” he said their names with his eyes closed, “Jesse.”

“Your DELTA team?” Amir asked, his hand squeezing McGuire’s arm.

McGuire nodded.

“That was a long time ago, McGuire,” Amir assured him.

The sound of his other name jarred him. His eyes bolted toward Amir as he let the name roll around in his brain. Amir seemed to understand.

“Ahanu,” he said, “I’m sorry.  _ Ahanu _ .”

He took a deep breath and leaned his head back on the bookshelf.

“I have an idea,” Amir said as he stood up. McGuire opened his eyes to see Amir standing over him, holding out his hand, “C’mon.”

McGuire just stared at him. He really wasn’t in the mood for...whatever Amir had planned.

“C’mon,” Amir prodded, curling and curling his fingers in an attempt to entice McGuire to stand up.

McGuire groaned and reached up to grab Amir’s hand, immediately feeling the other man pull him up. Strong. He was strong.

Oh shit.

“I tried to hurt you!” McGuire said suddenly as he found his footing.

“No, you tried to hurt someone in your flashback,” Amir countered.

“Pretty sure I tried to choke you, Amir,” McGuire said, shaking his head in terror.

“I can handle myself,” Amir smiled, “Don’t worry.”

McGuire watched him almost smile as he said the words. Was he pleased with himself? Oh. Amir  _ was  _ pleased he was able to overpower him. McGuire smirked, if only barely perceptible. 

“If I had been in top form, you wouldn’t have taken me over,” McGuire challenged him.

Amir shrugged his shoulders and smiled, “I disagree.”  Amir began walking to the door, “C’mon.”

McGuire followed, cautiously, “You  _ are  _ really strong. How is that possible?” He asked as he looked down at Amir, clearly pondering the height difference.

“Excuse me,” Amir answered with offense lacing his voice, “Height has nothing to do with strength.”

“Weeellll,” McGuire started, his head tilting as his eyes squinted.

“With that attitude, you’re going to end up losing a fight you should’ve won,” Amir shared and turned to walk to the front door.

“Hey! That’s bullshit. I never lose,” McGuire complained.

He watched as Amir put on his snow gear.

“What are you doing?”

“ _ We _ are going to go out and shovel and watch the sunrise,” Amir said as he kicked McGuire’s boots toward him, “You need to work off some of that upsetting energy.”

McGuire had to admit the idea sounded a lot better than staying in the cabin. Hard work always felt good. He conceded and began putting on his snow gear.

The two worked for about an hour, mostly in silence, as the sun rose. McGuire tossed a pile of snow over to the side and stopped to lean on his shovel. Amir continued to work with the morning sun silhouetting him in front of McGuire. Wapun snorted in the distance and Soo bounded up and down in the snow pile. The energy was better. He felt better.

“Thank you, Amir,” he stated before digging in to gather another pile of snow.

Amir looked back, but said nothing and they continued their chore until they collapsed with accomplished exhaustion on the porch steps.

“Nookóówayi,” McGuire said as he admired the morning sky.

“Napí,” Amir added.

“Niitsistowahsin,” McGuire corrected him with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Na’a = Mom  
> Isstsííyit = Listen  
> Ikamotsíípi = It's safe  
> Issapítooka = Look at me  
> Sitsípssatakka = Speak to me  
> Isstákatakka = Trust me  
> Nookóówayi = Home  
> Napí = Friend  
> Niitsistowahsin = Brother


	6. Plows, People, and Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still recovering from his PTSD episode, McGuire and Amir have a quiet day. Things look up when unexpected visitors arrive!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I just spent a month packing up my life and moving 2000 miles across the country! It was quite the adventure. I'm glad to be back to my boys now though!

After shoveling, the men consumed their breakfast in the warmth of the cabin as they listened to the weather radio.

“Sounds like Kalispell didn’t get hit too hard and we got what we are gonna get,” McGuire said before taking a bite of food.

“But it will take time for the pass to clear?”

“Well, it’s cold so things stay frozen, especially up there. But the sun will help melt things. I’m sure they are already clearing it off,” Joseph answered, “The real issue out here are the rural roads. Those don’t get cleared as quickly. And some not at all. I have to do this one, for instance.” He pointed out toward the road the lead from the McGuire sign to the cabin.

Amir quietly gazed out toward the road.

“I’ll head out and do that later today,” McGuire said with a sigh, dropping his fork on his plate with a thud. He stood and placed his plate in the sink and stretched his arms above him. Amir watched him silently, worried about his state of mind.

“Are you still bothered by the dreams?”

McGuire shrugged, “It’s fine,” he said shortly and moved to leave the kitchen.

“Don’t do that,” Amir scolded him and stood to follow.

“What? I’m fine,” he said, plopping down in his chair.

“I’m here,” Amir offered, leaning on the wall at the edge of the kitchen. McGuire didn’t answer, instead opting to recline his chair and pull a blanket over him. Amir took a deep breath and stood tall before heading back to the kitchen to clean up from lunch.

After he finished, he selected a book from McGuire’s room and settled on the couch.

“I would have done that,” Joseph said, his eyes still closed, “I didn’t expect you to do the dishes.”

“I know. I’m happy to do it,” Amir answered, hearing the frustrated undertone in Joseph’s voice. He  _ was  _ still struggling and was fighting against asking for help.

“Whatever. I don’t need you to do my work for me,” he said curtly and turned to the side in his chair to face away from Amir.

Amir didn’t answer, understanding that McGuire wasn’t in control of his emotions in that moment. He began reading the book, keeping one eye on McGuire.

After a while, McGuire shifted in his chair and let out a heavy sigh.

“This sucks.”

“Yes, it does,” Amir said with compassion, “Talk to me.”

“I haven’t dealt with this crap in a while,” McGuire said with irritation.

“Do you know what triggered it?” Amir asked, sitting forward.

“I’ve been contemplating that all day,” McGuire revealed, “Yeah, I know.”

Amir waited patiently for McGuire to share his theory.

“You,” he finally said, surprising Amir. A sudden feeling of dread dropped in his stomach like lead at that thought that he had caused this. “I don’t mean that you did anything,” McGuire added, sensing that Amir was startled by the comment, “I just mean, you...in my life.”

“Still not understanding,” Amir said tentatively.

“I haven’t been close to anyone like I was Jesse. Not until now.”

“Oh. I see,” Amir responded, nodding ever so slightly. He wasn’t surprised to hear that Joseph was close to Jesse. He’d heard the man call out Jesse on several occasions in the past few days. “How can I help?” he asked, unsure how to proceed.

McGuire smiled, “It’s just irrational shit, Amir. My brain telling me to not get close because you’ll just die too.”

“Well,” Amir stated in response to the blunt reveal. McGuire chuckled.

“Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean it like that,” he smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad I’m close to you. But I guess it’s opening up old wounds.”

“Loss never really goes away,” Amir shared, pangs of ache in his stomach as he thought of his sister.

“Yeah.”

“We can wallow in our sadness together,” Amir offered with half a smile.

McGuire snorted, “Aren’t we the life of the party?”

Amir smiled and shrugged. His eyes darted over to the door heading downstairs and though he wanted to ask...no, it wasn’t the right time.

McGuire seemed to notice though, “You want to know about the jar, don’t you?”

Amir looked over at his friend, “Another time,” he said.

“No, it’s fine. It’s actually not bad,” McGuire revealed, “It’s reminders. Bullets, fragments, rocks...whatever. Shrapnel I’ve pulled from people.”

“That sounds...bad,” Amir said, confused.

“No, from people I’ve  _ saved _ ,” McGuire smiled. Amir’s eyes widened. He had assumed it was momentos of those he had lost, like Jesse. “It reminds me that, even though things go bad sometimes, I’ve still helped a lot of people. It’s important, what I do.”

Amir smiled, “It  _ is  _ important. I’m certainly thankful, knowing you are there to patch me up.”

“You could be a little  _ less  _ inclined to need patching up…” McGuire smirked.

“Hey, I’m just doing my job!”

“First mission! ‘ _ Cut me! _ ’” McGuire complained.

“I needed blood! It was necessary!” Amir countered, laughing.

“Uh huh,” McGuire smirked, “I had to slice you open and then stitch you up. You know how much flack I got from Top for that?!”

Amir smirked, amused by the image in his mind of Top yelling at McGuire.

“Oh, you  _ would  _ find that funny,” McGuire tossed his blanket at Amir and stood, “Well, I guess I’ll go clear the road.”

Amir stood to follow.

“You don’t have to come. It’s just riding in a big plow.”

“I’d like to, if that’s okay,” Amir asked.

“Alright then,” McGuire smiled, happy to have the company.

The men proceeded to bundle up and head out to the garage. Inside was a plow. Amir noted it was more than a plow. It was a beast of a machine. It definitely wouldn’t have any trouble navigating the feet of snow it was set to move.

They fired up the vehicle and let it warm up as they played with Soo. Finally, it was ready to drive, so they headed out. 

Less than half a mile down the path, they heard the sounds of another vehicle approaching, which seemed odd to both of them. McGuire stopped the plow and waited in anticipation to find out who was coming up his road in the current conditions. Eventually, they saw another large plow heading their direction, slowly moving snow from it’s path.

“Neighbor helping out?” Amir inquired.

“I swear that’s Swan’s plow. He lives a ways from here. Over close to the pass,” McGuire said, confused. He opened his driver side door and stood up on the frame outside the vehicle to get a better vantage point. A hand emerged from the other vehicle’s driver window and waved.

“Yeah, that’s Swan,” McGuire said to Amir, tucking his head back into the vehicle for a moment, “Kade Swan. I don’t know why he’s out this way though,” he shared and then pulled his head back outside the vehicle.

Amir watched as the other plow got closer. Soon, they could see two figures in the other plow and within seconds, Joseph flew back into the vehicle and started plowing toward the other vehicle. Amir quietly watched the scene, trying to understand Joseph’s sudden urgency to reach the other plow.

And then he saw it. Well,  _ her _ . McGuire’s mother. She sat in the passenger side of the other plow, smiling widely and waving. Amir found himself smiling widely as he watched McGuire exhibit such joy after a day of pain.

Amir could see Kade laughing in the driver’s seat as the two plows passed each other and came to a stop. Joseph quickly exited the vehicle and ran toward his mother’s door and Amir quickly scooted across the seat to exit as well. He jetted to the other side of the visiting plow to find McGuire embracing his mother and lifting her out of the passenger seat. The spoke thickly accented Siksika in excited voices. As Amir stood watching them, Kade Swan rounded the back of the plow.

“Hello, I’m Kade,” he said, extending his hand to Amir. Amir accepted with a smile, “I’m Amir.”

Kade was Native. He was tall and probably in his 50s. His face was weathered, but the lines on his face didn’t read as sadness, they read as happiness.

As Amir and Kade made their introductions, Joseph and Kanti approached.

“Amir, my mother Kanti,” McGuire said, introducing her, “Na’a, this is Amir. A friend from work.”

“Amir, a pleasure to meet you!” Kanti exclaimed, pulling him in for a hug.

“A pleasure to meet you too, ma’am,” Amir answered with a smile as he embraced her back.

“She’ll do that a lot,” McGuire smirked. Kanti rolled her eyes and slapped the back of her hand on Joseph’s chest.

“Kade, thank you for the special delivery!” McGuire said, “was it difficult to get through?”

“Naw, not bad. The pass is clear. I was about to head out of Kalispell when I came upon Kanti here. Offered to bring her back. Figured you were buried out here,” Kade answered.

“Thank you,” McGuire said again, hugging the other man, “Come up to the cabin and rest a bit.”

The group opted to transfer Kanti and her belongings to McGuire’s plow and proceeded to turn the large machine around before the two vehicles slowly made their way back to the cabin.

“You kept a secret, Na’a,” McGuire smirked as he drove his plow behind Kade’s, “You should have told me you were heading back! I would have come to Kalispell to get you.”

“No no! I wanted to surprise you!”

“But you couldn’t know you’d find someone to bring you back!”

“Eh, I know I’d find someone. And anyway, I’d rather be stranded in Kalispell than Calgary,” she answered. McGuire groaned in annoyance, but Amir could tell he wasn’t angry.

“Amir, Ahanu does not call home much when he is away. I’ve only heard some things about you. What do you do? Are you a doctor too?” Kanti asked, turning to Amir from her middle seat.

Amir raised an eyebrow, “You don’t call your mother, Ahanu?”

“Yes I do. She means I don’t call every damn day.”

“No! You call much less than that!” she complained.

“I’m busy!” McGuire responded, looking over and noticing Amir’s smirk. He gave Amir an almost imperceptible look that he’d understand to be threatening. Amir only smiled wider.

“No, I’m not a doctor, Kanti,” Amir responded, ignoring McGuire’s annoyance.

“What do you do?”

“Whatever is needed,” Amir answered, cryptically. McGuire smirked.

“In other words, you can’t tell me,” Kanti said quickly. Nothing was getting by this one! Amir smiled apologetically.

“He cooks,” McGuire offered.

“Oh, you like cooking? Do you cook for the team?”

“I do and I do. I made the mistake of cooking them a special meal and was officially assigned kitchen duty in perpetuum,” Amir winked.

“I’m glad to hear my boy is eating good meals now. He always comes home so worn and thin,” Kanti said, squeezing Joseph’s hand as she spoke.

“Na’a,” Joseph nearly whispered, “You worry too much.”

“I have reason.”

“I’ll keep my eye on him and feed him well, I promise,” Amir assured her.

Kanti smiled and laid her hand on Amir’s thigh in appreciation, “Were you on another team before?”

“No, I worked alone before,” Amir revealed.

“Must have been lonely,” Kanti asked as they pulled up in front of the cabin.

“It was,” Amir answered with a sad look before exiting the vehicle and helping Kanti down. McGuire came around the plow to gather is mother’s bags, but kept his eye on Amir. One thing that always worried him was Khedani. How close to the surface was he? Did Amir struggle with that regularly? He didn’t like seeing that sadness on his friend’s face.

The four relaxed in the cabin for a while before Kade headed back home.

“I insist,” Amir said again, not allowing Kanti to prepare supper, “You’ve been traveling. Rest!”

“You’ll like his food, na’a,” Joseph added, “C’mon. Rest.” Joseph pulled his mother toward the project corner and she quickly became distracted by the drawings.

“Oh you have some new ones,” she said as she shifted the drawings around, admiring them.

_ So they are Joseph’s _ , Amir thought to himself as he watched them from the kitchen. He wondered if he was the only one on the team who didn’t know Joseph could draw.

“Hmm,” McGuire mumbled as he sat back in a chair and put his feet up on the corner of the table.

“Ahanu!” Kanti scolded him and slapped his feet down.

“Oh c’mon. No one eats here!” he complained, laughing.

Amir chuckled under his breath, enjoying their banter.

“How was the retreat?” McGuire asked as he fidgeted with an ink pen from the table.

“It was nice. Kimi, Peta, and Sara all went too. Kimi and I went to a Russian restaurant,” Kanti shared.

“Yeah? Ááhsiiwa? [ _ It was goo _ d]?” Joseph asked.

Kanti nodded, “Nitáákomi’tsii’pa [ _ I enjoyed it _ ],” and then remembered Amir’s presence, “Ahh! Náápii’poyit! [ _ Ahh, speak English! _ ]”

“Saa, noohkniitsí’poyit! [ _ No, please, speak Siksika!] _ ,” Amir answered quickly, causing Kanti’s eyes to widen. McGuire giggled like a child.

“Ahanu! He speaks Siksika!” she gasped.

“I try. I know very little,” Amir admitted with a sheepish smile, “Hearing it helps me learn it, so speak it whenever you’d like.”

“He speaks about 40 languages,” McGuire smiled.

“Not quite that many,” Amir corrected him, “I can’t claim Siksika yet.”

“Siksika is very difficult, even for us!” Kanti said, walking toward the kitchen. McGuire quickly re-situated his feet on the corner of the table once his mother was turned away.

“It certainly is. I’m enjoying learning it though,” Amir responded as he continued to work at the counter.

“What are you cooking here?” she asked as she let her eyes wander through the pile of ingredients.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” Amir winked. She looked over and smiled with a shrug, noticing McGuire’s feet out of the corner of her eye.

“Ahanu!”

“Oh my god,” he groaned and stood up to join them in the kitchen.

“What are you cooking here?” McGuire repeated his mother’s question as he leaned his head in over Amir’s shoulder.

“Mother like son,” Amir shook his head.

The three enjoyed each other’s company for the rest of the evening as they cooked, ate, and talked, until the light died down and they all retired for much needed rest.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ááhsiiwa = It was good?  
> Nitáákomi’tsii’pa = I enjoyed it  
> Ahh! Náápii’poyit! = Ahh! Speak English!  
> Saa, noohkniitsí’poyit! = No, please, speak Siksika!
> 
> (Again, these translations are probably terrible. Please let me know if you know Siksika and have corrections!)


End file.
